BEFORE WE HAD COUNSELORS WE HAD FRIENDS

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Before we had counselors, we had friends

“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, 

So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend” (Proverbs 27:9).

Forty years ago, when I asked a college student what their major was, I was alarmed when I heard, “Psychology” or “Counseling.” Too often, I saw the student had a troubled life, and they needed help. They wanted to get their lives together. They may have wanted to help others as well. I knew many schools would harm rather than help. If they gained a degree, they would become a danger to themselves and to others. I’ve seen terrible damage come out of godless advice and witchcraft counseling.

Yes, I’ve met and read wonderful, helpful counselors, and I’m grateful for every one of them. But I feel many are poor at best, ruinous at worst. My experience has been validated too many times. Beware! There are horror stories with contractors, auto mechanics, and with counselors. 

You may have suffered from a batch of bad advice. I’d like to save others from the peril of destructive counsel.

I have benefited from the counsel of hundreds of people. Most did not have certificates or diplomas. Hats off to them with the greatest respect. Many I would count as friends. You see, before we had counselors, we had friends. In a vacuum of friends, some pay counselors as replacements.

My cynicism for professional counselors comes from witnessing the wreckage caused by many. Some of this is personally painful. I am pulling for a restoration of sage wisdom to guide many into godly perspective, sanity, clarity, and common sense so others may lead whole and abundant lives.

Predating the professionals

Proverbs 27:9 says, “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend.” Again, before we had counselors, we had friends. With the loss of friends comes the multiplication of counselors.

Counseling in Scripture is a contrast to today’s counseling. Biblical counseling is so practical and helpful! 

A king gets counseling before going to war. 

A man gets counsel for building a house.

Administrators get counsel for exercising government.

A man gets counsel from his friend for the best farming methods.

THE DANGERS PROFESSIONAL COUNSELORS POSE

The money motive.

Pity the professional counselor who helps someone too quickly. They cut off their predictable stream of income. The shrewd counselor says, “We’re getting somewhere, but you had better come back next week, the week after, and the year after so we can really get to the bottom of things.” Counseling sessions become interminable until the client is financially exhausted and no better off. 

Assigning blame to others.

Many will pay a professional to tell them their problems are because of others. Rarely will a counselor say, “You need to grow up and take responsibility.” They may fudge on the truth to flatter you rather than confront you. They may be too insecure to suffer rejection themselves.

One-sided counseling.

How often have I heard of someone with a personal conflict going to a counselor without the person they think of as “The problem.” What is the counselor to do if the spouse, parent, friend, or boss is not present? One-sided counseling is the norm. The Bible teaches, “The first to present their case seems justified until another comes and examines them.” How is a genuinely interested counselor to counsel when hearing only one side of a story? 

I persuaded a woman I had counseled to bring in her husband. When he came, I did not see the horns she had referenced. She shared a number of her husband’s shortcomings while her husband quietly listened. I asked her in his presence, “Why don’t you just leave him? Wouldn’t that be the easiest solution?”

She backtracked because her marriage also had comforts and security. The husband appreciated the forthright questions and the opportunity to share his perspectives. He shared a story of rescuing her life in a farming accident and caring for her in recovery. He was more invested in the relationship than she first made out.

Toying with speculations and lies

We know a young man who for a long time was estranged from his parents. After being delivered from his counselor, he said, “I believed a lie.”

A very straight-arrow friend lost his relationship with his sister. Her counselor helped her “recover” “lost memories” of this man abusing her. The only problem was the memory was dead wrong. It was the pop-psychology fad we now debunk called “false memory syndrome.” It ruined many relationships.

Entrancing problems

So many have melded their problems with their identity – cultivating problems, nursing, and rehearsing.  Pity the distressed soul who has a counselor who will only agree with their victimhood. So many would do better to invest in a Life Coach helping them to clarify their vision, set goals,  and work out a new life plan.

Missing the obvious by probing the “deep”

Counseling today is often focused on the deep, inner psychological mysteries. Too often, this approach is void of common sense. It magnifies complexity rather than simplicity. It may be legitimate to attempt to fathom the deep waters, but it is not always profitable when practical solutions are available.

Emotion focus

I have often said, “Tell me your thoughts, and I will tell you your emotions.” Many counselors attempt to alter emotions rather than the world-views, perspectives, and thoughts which create them. God’s words stand strong. “As a man thinks, so is he within himself” (Prov 23:7).

“Un-godly” counsel 

The majority of mental health clinicians have no linkage with God. They lean on frail, human understanding. Their insight comes only from the small planet Earthlings live on. They forget or have never learned.

 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
 neither are your ways my ways,”declares the Lord.

 As the heavens are higher than the earth,
 so are my ways higher than your ways
 and my thoughts than your thoughts.  (Isaiah 55:8-9)

Our Creator is referenced as “The only wise God” in Romans 16:27. True Solomonic wisdom is birthed by God, not by man’s cleverness. 

Counsel apart from God is un-godly. It will prove worthless at best and poisonous at worst. Real power, wisdom, and love for deliverance, healing, forgiveness, and transformation come from the Almighty.

God substitutes 

Counseling practitioners often become God substitutes. They are worshipped both with adoration and scorn. Pride accepts worship for its diplomas and cleverness. If we don’t have the real God, we must have substitutes. Psychologists and psychiatrists are sometimes venerated as demigods.

The witchdoctor’s prescription

A person may confide they are living with confusion, fear, and depression. The doctor prescribes a magic potion when the obvious answer may be – live a healthy life, eat right, get your sleep, get some friends, forgive them, or get a job. 

1 Timothy 4:1 tells us, 

But the [Holy] Spirit distinctly and expressly declares that in latter times some will turn away from the faith, giving attention to deluding and seducing spirits and doctrines that demons teach.

These seductive teachings are found in some church buildings and psychiatric offices. Be on guard against demonic enticements. 

Daniel and his three godly friends outgunned the wisemen of the day ten to one. 

In every matter of wisdom and understanding about which the king questioned them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters in his whole kingdom (Dan 1:20).

GREAT PRESCRIPTIONS FOR MENTAL HEALTH

The good news is the Bible, and the “Counselor,” the Holy Spirit, have answers for our mental distress, our relationship problems, and everyday decisions.

The Apostle Paul gives us a great prescription for gaining mental health and enjoying God’s peaceful presence.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you (Phil 4:8-9).

I’ve done enough counseling to feel the weight of responsibility every counselor must feel. Any of us who provide counsel will be judged according to the helpfulness or damage we create.

Isaiah prophesied of One called “Wonderful Counselor.” Jesus modestly but factually said, “One greater than Solomon is here.” 

Friend, if you are in need of life advice today, I encourage you to seek it first from the One who is called in Scripture, “Wisdom.” Seek it also from those who have sought for and received wisdom ahead of you and have a treasury of heavenly perspective grounded in Holy Spirit experience. Bless and heed those who are counselors in deed, and avoid the others!

SEEK FIRST THE COUNSEL OF GOD IN PRAYER AND LISTENING

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5

SEARCH HIS WORDS FOR ANSWERS

Your testimonies are my delight;
they are my counselors.  Psalms 119:24

FIND WISE FRIENDS. 

Remember, Proverbs 27:9 says, “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend.” If you don’t have friends, it is time to come out of isolation and intentionally build friendships. Find them among those who have immersed themselves in the Word and Spirit. Some of these may become mentors.

YES, THERE ARE GREAT PROFESSIONAL COUNSELORS 

There are still truly great professional counselors out there. Seek out good referrals. You may seek out those who have a specialty in the area you are wrestling with. For example, most marriage issues are related to financial struggles. Starting with a financial counselor in this case is common sense.

LIVE A TRUTHFUL LIFE!

“Research shows that over 90% of clients admit they have lied to or withheld important information from their therapist at some point.”

Don’t expect good results from any counselor, a friend of a professional, if you lie, embellish, minimize, or leave out the truth. 

Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart (Psalm 51:6).

Our Father wants you to know your identity and live out your purpose in our great Kingdom story. May the Living Source of wisdom, through Christ our Lord, guide you to wonderful answers and solutions as you ask, seek, and knock!

Steven C Johnson

LandingStripEnterprises.Com